What If
by RCApaws
Summary: This is my first ever fan fic so be kind. Jamie and Landon have just returned from their honeymoon. This is an alternate ending to the movie. Hope you like it.
1. 1 More Possibility

What If 

Setting: Jamie and Landon have returned to their house after going on a honeymoon to Hawaii.

As they walk in, Landon looks at Jamie. "So how does it feel to return home Mrs. Landon Carter?" "It feels like my life couldn't get any better." They drop their bags off and start to unpack talking about all the things they did in Hawaii. "The sunset on out last night was beautiful," Jamie says to Landon. "It was great. Although I have seen prettier things" Landon responds as he reaches over pulling Jamie into his arms, and kisses her. 

Later that night, they are sitting on their porch swing cuddled together with Landon having put his arms around Jamie. As they sit there together looking up at the stars, Landon says to Jamie "is this perfect or what?" And the only thing Jamie could do was smile at him, hoping the rest out her life would be like this. And knowing that no matter what happens, they will have each other.

A few weeks later, as Jamie goes to take a shower, she starts to feel dizzy. She sits down on the bed where Landon is still half asleep. As she starts to sit, Landon can see that something is wrong. He immediately gets up and rushes to her side asking what is wrong. When she suddenly falls back onto the bed, he starts to think the worst. 'Our time is over. This can't be it.'

At the hospital, Landon and Jamie are talking to a doctor. The doctor says, "Although there is a small chance that this will work, there is one possibility that _might_ beat most of the leukemia." At that Jamie and Landon are listening very carefully giving the doctor their full attention. "There is a small possibility that this will work. With Jamie's type of leukemia, a bone marrow transplant might give her the chance for a full recovery. Although finding a match is _extremely_ difficult. And since we would need to do it so soon, the longer it takes to find a match, the less chance there is for this to work. I'll give you two some time to think about this." And with that the doctor left the room.

"Jamie, this could work." "Landon, you heard him. There is only a small chance it will work. Besides, it'll be nearly impossible to find a match so soon." "I know a ton of people who would be willing to be tested, and would go through with it. What do you say, it's better than not trying." "I don't want my life to be full of pain. If I'm going to die, I want it to happen because that is when god intended me to go" "But what if god wanted you to live longer? What if that's why you fainted today?" "All right, I'll try it"


	2. Testing

The next day, Landon started calling all of his friends. They all seemed anxious to help in any way they could. Well almost all of them. Of course there are the occasional few who decide to rethink their decision to help when they see the size of the needle. But they went through with it after talking to Landon, or looking at how Landon looked into Jamie's eyes. The love and just everything about that look was enough to convince someone with Aichmophobia (a fear of needles or pointed objects) would help out in any way they could, including going under the needle. 

The doctor came into Jamie's room to talk to them about what to do next. "The first thing we should do is test your blood relatives. They would be the best matches." "We can start with my dad" Jamie replied. So the doctor went outside into the hallway, and spoke briefly with Jamie's father. And of course, he volunteered to be tested. Later that day the doctor came into the room with the results. As he entered, everyone's eyes looked up at him with a desperate look in them. "Ok, I have the results right here. Now I haven't looked at them yet, so just give me a couple of seconds to look them over." After a few seconds of looking at the charts, the doctor shook his head no. "I'm sorry. We will keep testing whoever wants." 

Belinda was the first of their friends to be tested. Unfortunately, she wasn't a match either.

The next day, Eric comes in to be tested. He has been there for Landon for a while now, and he hopes that he's a match so that he can ease Jamie's suffering. When the doctor comes in to tell them the results of the test, they are all anxiously awaiting the news. The doctor shakes his head no. Then asks if he can talk to Eric alone for a moment, and they step outside for a minute. 

Jamie then turns to Landon, with these sad puppy dogs like eyes and is about to say something, when Landon interrupts her. "So we haven't found a match yet. That doesn't mean that there isn't someone out there." And with that he kisses her. And of course, after that Jamie has no choice to give into her gut feeling. "Alright, we'll keep trying, but you can't do that anymore. It's not fair." Jamie and Landon smile at each other. 

A few seconds later, Eric came back into the room. Landon asks "what was that all about?" Eric simply says "there's this little girl who's 7 years old. I'm a perfect match for her. The doctor wanted to know if I would be willing to do a transplant for her." "That's great" says Landon. 

The doctor came back in a few minutes later. "I think it would be time to put Jamie onto a waiting list that would compare her to anyone who gets testes. That's how Clarissa, the 7 year old girl, found out that Eric is a match." "If that's what you think is best" said Landon. "Hey, have you been testes yet Landon?" the doctor asked. "Actually, no." Landon replied. He was so caught up with everything going on, taking care of Jamie, arranging a time for everyone to be tested, he forgot to make an arrangement for him to be tested. "Hey, my mother also hasn't been tested, come to think of it. I'll go get her and we can both go." And with that Landon kissed Jamie gently on her forehead, and went to be tested.


	3. Match?

'It all seems like it happened just yesterday' Landon wrote into his new secret journal. 'Jamie was sitting on the bed, getting ready for the day. And all of a sudden she fell back onto the bed. I couldn't help but think the worst. All I could think was not now. We've only just started our lives together. It isn't fair to take her away from me so soon. Thankfully she wasn't seriously injured. Well compared to the leukemia, nothing is really serious. Well I mean it is serious, but nothing to think that we wont have at least some time together. Nothing would make a bigger hole inside of me than not having Jamie with me anymore. I know someday it will happen. Someday. People always say that. Someday I wish for this, and someday I wish for that. Well I'm done with somedays.' And with that he shut the book. Quietly enough so that he wouldn't wake Jamie up. She looks so peaceful lying there in the hospital bed. ' I wish there was something more I could do for her Landon thought to himself. 'Sometimes, I think it would just be easier if we had never fallen in love. But then I wouldn't have the chance to spend the rest of my life with someone as wonderful and full of life as Jamie. But wait, will I get to spend the rest of my life with her?' 

As if something inside of her told her 'wake up' Jamie suddenly woke up. Since Landon was holding her in his arms, like he did often while she slept, he was surprised to see such energy in her. It had been 3 days since Landon and his mother were both tested to see if either one of them could be a match for Jamie's bone marrow transplant. Something had gone wrong with the machine, and they would have to wait till next week to get the results. After all this time, would Jamie's new mother be the one who saved her life? Would she get to give her daughter-in-law one of the greatest gifts in life? Of would she, like many others, not be a match? The suspense was killing everyone (metaphorically). Like all the other tests, could this one be the one to save Jamie's life? The one that would end the suffering and the misery that Jamie, and those who knew and loved her, went through each day in their lives, just to hope that she would have one more day to live and breathe?

Finally, the day came to see if Landon or his mother were a match. The doctor walked in with the charts, and like before, he hadn't looked at them yet. He started to flip through the pages. "Who should I start with?" He asked the already nervous and wound up family. Landon's mother says, "if it's alright, I'd like to know if I'm a match first." No one had any problems with that. So the doctor looks over the charts on more time just to make sure he read everything properly. "Mrs. Landon, you are not a match, I'm sorry."

As disappointed as she was that she wasn't a match, to be honest, she was a little relieved. She was afraid of needles. Not that she wouldn't have done it if she had been a match. Just if possible, she would prefer to stay away from that sort of stuff. Although she would never tell anyone that. Mostly because it pained her that she was not 100% willing to do this. Only about 95%. There was no doubt in her mind that she would have done it, but even so. She was still ashamed that there was even that 5% of her that didn't fully and completely want to do it. 

And with the first prospect out of the way, unfortunately, that only left 1 person closely related Jamie to help her through this surgery. Now on 1 hand Jamie was hoping that Landon would be a match, because lets face it, how great would that be? But on the other hand, she wanted him to be waiting for her. Maybe even with her while she was getting the transplant holding her hand. She was torn on which one she wanted. Do I want him to be the one to save my life, or do I want him to be there with me? 

The doctor takes one last final look at the chart of Landon's blood work. And as he is about to say if Landon is a match or not, there is a knock on the door.


	4. Life or Death?

Hey almost sry to leave u in suspense. Couldn't think of how I wanted the story to go. So anyway here is some more. O and the next chapter I'm thinking of writing as an alternate for this chapter, like if the results were the opposite, not sure yet though, let me know what you think.

Landon looks up at the door. 'who are we missing?' he thought to himself. Jamie also thought everyone was here. Her dad, her new mother-in-law (who felt as if it were her real mother), and Landon's father and stepmother, and a few of their friends were waiting outside, otherwise there wouldn't be anymore room. 

"I'm sry to interrupt, but doctor, you're needed now. The results on the boy in room 307 are back, and u said to find you the second they came in." "I'm really sry to leave like this, but I don't have enough time to go through everything I need to tell you right now" the doctor said. And with that he left. Leaving everyone behind to think about what he was talking about. 

20 minutes of relentless suspense, the doctor cam into the room. "The results are in," said that doctor. "Here they are. Landon you are not a match." And with that all of the hope that was inside of everyone that Jamie might make it after all, was gone. Not completely, but at this moment, it was easy to believe that there wasn't going to be a happily ever after for Landon and Jamie.

"Can I have a minute alone with Jamie and Landon?" the doctor asked, but politely implied that everyone should leave the room regardless who they are. "Now I've put Jamie on the same list that we had the other little girl on. I can't guarantee anything, but Jamie does have a good chance with this. Everyone that gets tested gets compared to this list." "What will happen if Jamie doesn't get a match?" asked Landon. "Lets not think that way. Hopeful thoughts only. I understand that this is extremely hard for you 2. But bare with me for just a little longer, and I'll do everything I can to help both of you in any way I can." Answered the doctor.  And as he left, all Jamie could think was 'I don't want this to be gods plans for me. I can't leave yet.' 

Landon felt so bad. He was going to be her angel for real. The one that saved her from this life of pain and sickness. He wanted so bad to be her match. So she could be happy and not have to think in the back of her mind that all this might not be here tomorrow for me. He hated when he could see her eyes start to look as if she is thinking about that. It pained him to see her in such confusion, anger, everything at once. What he hated the most was that he couldn't do anything to help her, it was out of his control. Not that he really had control over this stuff. This was the part of her life that he hated the most. He hated the Leukemia because it meant that tomorrow he might wake up and she might not. And what he hated even more, or almost as much, was that all they could do was accept this as a part of who she is. A part that makes her want to live life to the fullest, and a part that allows her to want to give in and let it end. A part that caused every emotion, and a part that caused no emotion. And all he could do was watch. And hope for the best. But what was starting to scare him, was 1, that he didn't know what the best was anymore, and 2, that he has to wonder now what the best possible outcome would be. Life or death?


	5. Feelings

I just wanted to say thanx to all of u who have been responding. I'm glad you like it.

Landon pulled out his little book that he now kept with him almost always. He was making it into a little journal type of thing. The difference between this and a journal or diary was that he didn't write in it at a specific time everyday, he didn't even write in it everyday. Just when he felt like writing, then he would pull it out and start. So far he had written about all the events that have happened since Jamie went back into the hospital. Mostly he wrote about his thoughts and feelings involving these situations. About whether or not he thought Jamie should live or die. He was writing about that a lot lately. He felt that maybe their love for each other was holding her back from moving on with her destiny. God had given her this disease for a reason. What if that reason was for her to go up to him? What if it was a reason to, he was getting so tired of asking questions that he doesn't have answers for. Everything that was happening was only making him ask himself more questions. And he couldn't answer any of them. 

Jamie was starting to get discouraged at this point. Every person that was tested was not a match. She was starting to wonder if she had a match. She was wondering if the only reason she was still here was because of her love for Landon. And that was making her wonder if loving him was wrong. And she hated that so much. You're not supposed to question your love to the one person that gives you the most reason to live. It's just the opposite of it. That person is the one who makes you sure of everything in your life, and the one who you love more than life itself. But can you love life? Of is it just that you love this person so much that they become your whole life? 

At this point in their lives, Jamie and Landon didn't hide anything about their feelings to each other. So they decided to tell each other what was going on in their minds. Landon told Jamie about questioning if he wanted her to live, or if he wanted her misery to end. And Jamie told Landon that she was questioning if she loved living for the sake of living or because he was there. After a long conversation, they both agreed that there were no real answers to these questions. That together, they would get through whatever was thrown their way. And that meant living their lives together, as close to happily ever after as they could get. And it also meant being truthful to their feelings, and to each other. Landon decided to tell Jamie about how he was writing all of this stuff down, and although he had no answers, it made him feel better to get them out without anyone judging his feelings. And with that said, he pulled out a book for her to do the same in. And he took his book out too. And he told her "in these books, we write whatever we want to. Without wondering how someone would react to our thoughts. No one else gets to read them. And maybe, and that's a big maybe, after enough time and consideration, we read each other's. But only if we both completely agree on it." "I like that idea" Jamie replied, smiling for the first time in what seemed like forever. And with everything said about their feelings, and those feelings that didn't want to be shared at the time, written down, they could start to see clearly what their options were. And with being able to see their options clearly and objectively for the first time, they both decided that they wanted their lives to be as long as possible. And that they would do what the doctor said to do, by keeping an open and hopeful mind about their situation. They decided to keep looking for a match, but while they did that, they would also keep in the back of their minds the sad truth. The realization that there may not be a match for Jamie. They were of course hoping and believing that she had a match, but there was a possibility that they would not find them in time. 

Jamie told Landon "if we have any doubts about anything, we write them down, or talk about them. But only to each other." And all Landon could so was smile, and agree. And with all of their feelings out in the open, they were finally able to relax for a while. Landon, who was sitting on the bed with Jamie, laid down next to her, and took her in his arms. And he just looked into her eyes and said, "I love you." And all that Jamie could do was give into her urge, and kissed him. 


	6. College

Just wanted to apologize that it took me so long to write this part. I also wanna thank WebMD for helping me get accurate info about this stuff on cancers.

It's been 3 years since I started writing in this book. Journal. Diary. Call it what u want, but I've been writing in it for 3 years. Ever since Jamie went back into the hospital what feels like all those years ago. It's just hard to believe that it's been 3 years. After all of that stuff got sorted out, I went to college. I'm about to start my last year, and I'm getting really scared. I'm excited and nervous to be done with my college days. I think I'm going to be a doctor. I'm not sure what kind yet, but I know that I want to help people and make their lives easier in any way. 

After how that doctor treated Jamie and all of us that were there, I know that is something I could see me doing, so I started taking courses that u need for pre-med. I love them. I passed all, ok most of them with high marks. And I'm excited to finish up and start applying to medical school. But I can wait to do that stuff till later on in the year.

I know that u'r probably dying to hear about what happened to Jamie. Although I already wrote about that stuff when it was happening, I wrote about feelings. Now I'm gonna tell u what happened from facts, not opinions.

After all that time that seemed like months, but was actually only a couple of weeks, Jamie found a match. There was this girl from New York City, that as a part of a school project got tested. See she was researching about different diseases for health class in high school. She was focusing on cancers and decided to put her main focus onto Sickle Cell Disease. She was looking up some stuff about how blood transfusions can treat complications of sickle cell disease and can prevent others. She found out that bone marrow transplants are an experimental treatment for the disease. They require a suitable donor and have a very high degree of risk. Then she read that 1 in 10 people don't survive a bone marrow transplant.  However bone marrow transplants are very rarely used to treat sickle cell disease because there is a high risk of complications, the experimental nature of the procedure, and the thing that Jamie and I were having trouble with, the low availability of matched bone marrow donors. After reading about how there are few available of matched donors, she decided to talk to her parents about being tested and seeing if she could help someone get better.

After a long thought out process her parents agreed to allow her to be tested. And of course, she had looked into what other types of diseases bone marrow transplants could help. She was able to slide it into her project about what it would be like to do this. She was just looking up information for a health project, and she ended up saving Jamie's life. O yea her name was Jillian. She was a sophomore in high school, but if u ask me. I would tell u that she was one of the bravest people in the world. Not only was she willing to help someone, it isn't exactly painless to be put through a transplant. She was doing this without even needing to. She was doing it of her own free will. Ok I know I said that I would do this from fact, but I just had to emphasize my point at how amazing this girl was.

Needless to say, Jamie and I are still happily married. We don't expect any children in our lives anytime soon, due to the fact that we are both in college. Yes, Jamie ended up going to college. After the treatment was over she waited until the halfway mark in the school year came before she started, giving herself plenty of time to recover before starting school. I am so proud of her and all that she has done. I wish there was more to say about our future, but for now I'm happy to say that we are bother currently healthy. Although I don't know if Jamie will last 5 more years, or 50 or just a couple of months. I can easily say that we are thoroughly enjoying our time together, and her starting college was also us preparing for a full life together. It was us saying that she isn't going for a very long time to come. And that we can handle whatever comes our way. Together. 


End file.
